Pics or it didn’t happen

Let us wander off the garden path for a moment and stop to stomp on the roses.

Remember a few weeks ago when I was going in for egg collection and The Partner had to go in to, *ahem*, ‘do his bit’? You know, visit The Jack Shack? Produce a sample? Get the wrigglers wriggling? You might recall it, because he was determined to live tweet the experience and certainly he documented it with a visual diary of the day.

That is, he took photos. Which I now have. Hehe, wanna see? Here are the Very Important Instructions on the wall from the Little Room in Andrology:

Sexy, huh? Bet that gets you in the mood, hey boys?

There is, of course, “material” provided, for those who prefer a little visual stimulation to get them going and able to fill the little sample-jar cup. Because that’s what Andrology is. It’s the Sperm Collection unit.

So for any boys who might be looking at going down there some day, or for other parties simply curious, this is what you have to aim for – and don’t forget the instructions as per above, 100% must be collected or else there’ll be trouble:

Anyway. The “material”. As I said, there is some. Magazines. A DVD playing on loop. I’ve blogged about this before and no, I won’t be providing any photos of the material. As previously mentioned, the internet does not need me adding to its already vast collection of pool-cleaning-pizza-delivery-boys with bad moustaches in their scanties that are already out there online.

This is not “the material”, but it does appear on the wall of the little room in Andrology:

Now, all this is a lead up to a true story which goes to illustrate the perils of being a photographer. See, in case you didn’t already know, my beloved The Partner is a photographer by profession. He photographs lots of things, weddings, sporting events, pets, families.


Can you see where I’m going with this?

Model portfolios make up a large chunk of The Partner’s photography business. That’s where a girl or a guy will want to try their hand at being a model and needs a full professionally photographed portfolio. The Partner does this kind of photography all the time.

Some of these girls and guys go on to work as models. Some don’t. Those who do can go on to work as fashion models or promotional models or catwalk models.

And some, it appears, sometimes go on to work as… adult models.

Oooh, you know what’s coming, don’t you, you naughty things.

The very first time The Partner visited The Jack Shack, he opened a magazine to see a woman he’d photographed before – not his photograph, obviously, but certainly a former photographic subject of his. And a couple of weeks ago, it happened again – but this time on the DVD.

There he was, flicking on the television, checking out the DVD playing… and finding the star of the naked, vocal, rumpy-pumpy show was a woman he knows. He’d photographed her more than once. Several times, in fact. We even filmed her step-son’s wedding.

Ah, the perils of being a photographer, folks. There you are, just innocently flicking through a bit of porn, and finding you know everybody in it.

Here, he took a photo, just to prove it:

Okay, so that proves nothing. But I was upstairs and I did get SMS’d the pics which showed the particular lady’s face – and other parts besides – while I was waiting for him to finish the job so they could whip me in for egg collection. (There’s no point taking me in for surgery until they’re certain he’s produced the requisite goods, after all.) So I can guarantee that, yes, those legs do belong to a woman of our aquaintance.

Which is guaranteed to kill the mood far more than stern instructions on the wall.

So that’s what a trip to Andrology entails, my wee internet funsters. Instructions, wall art and the problematic situation of knowing the girls in the show.

In other news… all quiet on the maternity front – waiting until next Friday’s blood test to check the hormone levels are still on their way up. Will keep you all updated on the progress…

Kind regards

The Patient

Published in: on June 7, 2011 at 12:10 pm  Comments (2)  

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2 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Bah hahaha awkwaaaaard!

  2. […] 38.  Pics or it didn’t happen […]

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